Letting Go of Self Sabotage

Self sabotage is a belief that we can turn away or oppose what is inherently loving and in our highest good. Self sabotage is defined as what feels or seems to move in opposition or contrary to what we truly desire. 

Applied Kinesiology is where self sabotage was first identified and named Psychological Reversal (PR). This was done using muscle testing. See muscle testing to learn how to test yourself for psychological reversal.

From an energy perspective, PR is the resistance to the flow of Chi. Chi is subtle energy that flows throughout our acupuncture meridians and Chakras. It is often described as the "life force" or energy that nourishes and animates the body.

But another useful way to think of Chi as it relates to self sabotage is to consider it as your volition, intention and will. You may have heard the saying, "Where there is a will, there is a way." This will or energy moves us forward. But if we are undecided or split in what we desire, we experience internal conflict and energy blockages.

When we are free of conflict we experience Chi flowing without resistance or opposition, our acupuncture meridian energy flows smoothly without blockage or imbalance. Our mind and whole self experiences peace and feels healthy.

Believe it or not, our natural state is one of peace, well being, vitality and health! It shows up as a life of ease and joy because our will is flowing in the direction of the flow of life.

Opposition to the flow of Chi, is the result of non-acceptance, rejection or active opposition to some part of what is the reality in our life. This takes the form or judgement and blame. We project: onto others, parts of our self, or a situation; what we hate, dislike, reject and find unacceptable inside us. We hide it in "plain site" so we see it in someone else, not in us, and not recognize it as our "shit".

This keeps our energy and problem stuck because we see what is unacceptable, bad, shameful, etc. outside of us, and not within our reach/control. So on the one hand, we want change, to see things differently, to get rid of the problem; on the other hand,  we don't want to accept responsibility for the "shit" that showed up. We don't want to see that the cause of both our problems and successes is in our mind and only there.

Self sabotage or internal conflict is called "energy disruption" in EFT and feels emotionally stressful.  When we feel the conflict internally, there is a sense of active opposition to what we can see has benefit for us, but resist. We can also project the internal conflict and perceive the opposition as coming from outside, like when we experience someone or something getting in our way, or blocking our progress to our desired goal.

Self sabotage occurs most often when we hold opposing beliefs or desires about the same thing. We feel torn because we focus on their differences and make both important and valuable. To let go of one then, is to betray the other, which which would bring up guilt and who wants to go there?

If I feel like it is good and important to exercise, but I worked all day and resting and relaxation is also important; the pull in one direction and the other feels exhausting and makes it difficult to choose to do one or the other completely, with full acceptance.

There will be self sabotage (internal conflict) when our feelings are in opposition to what we think we should do; when we make ourselves do something we don't really want to; or when we cannot commit to believing one thing because we also hold an opposing belief that contradicts it. This appears to split our will and we feel stuck.

For example, I can believe it it is good to be successful but also bad. I will want to be successful and not want to. And if I do manage to succeed, I will feel good but be split and have reason to also feel bad. So, if I feel bad enough, I will find a way to loose what I gained to relieve myself of feeling bad.

It is difficult to make progress on an issue or move forward with a project when we feel internally divided, implying we somehow can self sabotage our progress. To do this would require that our mind and will not be whole but split. so one part or level can oppose another.

To experience and see ourselves in this fragmented, split way is to invert, or turn our perception upside down (Polarity Reversal) and entails a threat to the safety or our self image, ego, body, etc. at some level. The result is a need to defend or protect ourselves from ourselves. It is a form of "self-attack" which, in my experience, activates the autoimmune defense system.

Self Sabotage Can Happen
With Any Issue

Self sabotage can take the form of what is called secondary gain or secondary loss. An example of secondary gain is someone that wants to loose weight, but subconsciously believes that without the extra weight she will gain extra sexual attention which she fears. The desired outcome of the loss of weight has been judged as an unwanted gain of more sexual attention from others. This can often be associated with past traumas and be associated with survival issues.

Self sabotage in the case of secondary loss, is when a person may want to have more wealth but subconsciously believes they will  loose it; perhaps by being a target for robbery, through over spending, having to pay more taxes, etc. In this case, the desire to have more wealth is associated with the fear of experiencing a loss.

These type of reversals can account for such things as athletes getting into slumps; addictions that are very hard to overcome; difficulty in lifting depression and healing taking long or failing despite our best intentions.

The polarity reversal serves the purpose of maintaining the status quo and not changing, which is self-sabotage. Self-sabotage can be perceived as safety from, help or protection from something we want but we are afraid of. It is important to have an awareness of when you are triggered into polarity reversal.

Polarity Reversal (PR) can be there when we just feel "off". Our attention is not able to stay in the present moment because it feels unsafe. We can't seem to get the right words out, or start dropping things and tripping over ourselves. We can have a hard time focusing and may feel very tired.

If we ran on batteries, self sabotage would feel like they were in backwards. Instead of getting charged, our energy would be getting drained.

Imagine rowing down a river and the direction of the current is flowing downstream with you. The polarity reversal would confuse your sense of direction and make you turn around believing upstream is really downstream where you want to go. So now you turn the rowboat around and start rowing upstream against the current.

You get a sense of a strong force working against you so you can't make much progress, but can't identify what the problem is. Depending on how strong the current is, you may feel like you are not making any progress at all, or worse, feel like you are loosing ground and moving further away from where you want to go.

But, this is not the truth.  The problem is that you are seeing things in reverse.  Your perception is not seeing reality as it is, because you are in a state on non-acceptance for what is in the moment. There is active resistance to what you perceive to be the problem which is only a misperception of reality and can be changed with EFT tapping..

For example when we believe that freedom of will means to let our ego "do whatever the hell it wants" and it bring chaos and destruction to our life; we will feel out of control, powerless and will fear true freedom, which is unconditional love.

Some of us grew up with parents that used shaming to control their children's free will because of the confusion between our ego and our true will which is only loving. So, we learned that to be in control, and safe, it is necessary to imprison and shame our free will, our loving nature. 

However, our natural state is to be free and so our imprisoned will must seek freedom. Unfortunately, the misperception that freedom is a loss of control lands us into situations where we believe we are free by doing what makes us feel "out of control", like drug abuse.

This often brings up feelings of self devaluation, discouragement, helplessness and hopelessness as you perceive yourself being taken further away from your desired goal.

Byron Katie's "Reversal Themes"

Here is a thorough list of what could be behind your self sabotage on any particular issue that I found in one of Byron Katie's books.  This list lend itself to the use of EFT, and in particular to the Ramos Clearing Technique.  So if you are familiar with self-muscle testing, use the free download of the Ramos Clearing Technique Flowchart to help you undo the reversals you find below.

  • Safety: Is it safe to get over this problem?
  • Ecology: Is it safe for other people if I clear this problem?
  • Motivation: Am I willing to do what ever it takes to get over this?
  • Permission: Am I allowed/allowing myself to get over this problem?
  • Possibility: Is it possible for me to get over this?
  • Benefit: Is it good for me/others to get over this?
  • Resource: Do I have what it takes to get over this? To make life work without this problem?

Any "no" answer to the above will work against clearing the problem and feel like self sabotage.

  • Deprivation: Will I feel deprived if I get over this problem?
  • Identity: Will I loose my identity if I get over this?
  • Recurrent Reversal: Even if this clears it will just keep coming back?

Any "yes" answer to the above will also work to keep the problem stuck.

Self Sabotage Generally Occurs
Outside of Our Awareness

The questions above are critically important since most of the time the resistance is coming from our subconscious beliefs, judgements and desires that are out of our conscious awareness.

If you don't know muscle testing, by answering the questions and observing internally your reactions, you can notice the physical sensations and feelings that arise, and you can target them with EFT tapping to release the reversal.

Doing this will help you stop: making excuses; blaming your self or feeling guilty when others blame you and say you lack will power, motivation, etc. and undo beliefs that say, "I inherited a fat gene" or "I am this way because I grew up in a disadvantaged or dysfunctional home".

Without this negative thinking we can stop seeing ourselves and others as victims, enemies and stop feeling like we live in a world of opposition.

Other Factors that Can Result in
General Polarity Reversal

Below are some things often observed to be associated with a polarity reversed state. The clearing will need to address the unhealed emotions associated with them.

Negativity - a pattern of chronic negative thinking
Addictions - addictive substances in the body (including alcohol, nicotine and sometimes prescription medications)
Dehydration - since the body's energy system is conducted by water, the lack of water will cause the energy to be sluggish or severely repressed
Toxin or substance sensitivity - this could be a food just eaten, clothing, carpeting, metal in or on the body such as: pins, fillings, metal plates, jewelry, a watch or a cell phone; current emotions, environmental toxins, electromagnetic frequencies, etc.

How Do We Let Go of Self Sabotage?

We need to recognize that opposition or defense is not a real solution to our problems and fears. It only keeps the problem/fear stuck. The practice of allowing and forgiving will release  blocked energy because it is a form of love which cannot oppose.  If we feel scared in the present moment or we have a strong reaction against what we are perceiving is there, we will want to escape and separate from it. The pushing against the present moment is the sign of reversal. Sometimes just observing the internal conflict without judgment will begin to release it.

EFT has a correction for Psychological Reversal built into the Emotional Freedom Techniques. We find it in the "set-up" statement. The portion that says "...I deeply and completely accept myself". The only thing we need to do differently during the "set-up" is to say the words louder and more intensely. This engages our will to really mean that we accept ourselves, even just temporarily to overcome the opposition in the issue we are tapping on.

Emphatically emphasizing the statement of self-acceptance, despite the unhealed problem we have, can overcome the opposition experienced from the rejection of ourselves and the present moment since they contain the problem we vehemently oppose and believe we can escape by opposing (reversal).

To understand further the power of emphasizing the set-up statement see, How Does EFT Work?

Emphasizing the set-up of EFT may not clear all the self sabotage: opposing fears, beliefs, thoughts and emotions that create the undercurrent, but it can correct the reversal long enough for us to clear and heal the specific thing we are working on.

Working with reversals can be tricky, in particular for EFT beginners.

I you need experienced help, I am a Certified EFT Master Practitioner available for phone, or Zoom/Skype sessions. If you have questions please contact me. I look forward to hearing from you.

I also highly recommend my book that you can download here as a PDF: Beyond Self-esteem: Discovering Your Boundless Self-worth to help you recognize you inherent loving nature which can help you perceive what is in your highest good more clearly.

Return Home From Self Sabotage
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