I don’t like to be corrected, not even if it is self-correction. I did not understand why this was so, but now I see; and I can laugh at what happened just last week when my offer to "help" was met with resistance. Here is the story:
I walked into the kitchen Saturday morning to find my husband cooking bacon for breakfast. I noticed a couple of burnt pieces on the plate. Instinctively I grabbed a fork and turned the bacon over while saying, “Let me help you with the bacon.”
He quickly replied, “I just turned it over.”
something in his voice that told me he did not want my "help". But who
likes burnt bacon?! I felt really vested in keeping the bacon from
burning and lingered by the pan.
But, I finally pulled myself away because he repeated, “I just turned it over.”
I guessed that maybe my husband was feeling corrected
or perhaps even criticized by my interference.
I believe that everyone needs to welcome correction. It is a great opportunity to learn. People offering correction only want the best for us, right? It sure feels that way to me when I offer "help" in this way.
But is that how I see things when I am being corrected? Here is how I discovered, to my surprise, that I did not welcome correction at all.
I picked up a large order of fast-food for dinner the other day. It included five drinks in cups with lids. I had everything fairly secure on a cardboard lid, and just needed to decide where to place it in the car.
I was in a hurry and the idea to put the food on the back seat came to me. I didn’t question this thought and placed the food on the seat, despite the soft voice of my intuition pointing out that the drinks could spill, and the mess would end up on the seat.
During my drive, true to this premonition, one of the
lemonades tipped over spilling completely!
The next day while driving I could not help but notice the towel I left behind to soak up the lemonade from the car seat. So as I reflected on this spill, I had to admit that I disregarded what was clearly helpful advice from my intuition.
In addition, I recalled another very similar event that took place a month ago:
I was in a hurry again, and didn’t have enough time to finish my lunch. My sandwich was so, so good, I decided to take it with me and eat while driving. Immediately after this decision, I received distinct information showing me a scene where the half sandwich was sliding off my plate and falling all over my lap and on the car interior.
Did I pay attention? No.
And sure enough, that sandwich slid right off my plate the moment I opened the car door and started to get in, making a mess in the car interior.
Recalling this makes me wonder what is going on with me? Am I psychic? Perhaps I’m just excellent at manifesting
what I do NOT want? Or maybe, there is something important here that I
am not seeing because messy situations keep showing up?”
I decide to use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to tap on the lemonade event and see what insights I uncovered.
I tune in to the lemonade spill event, observing my thoughts and feelings as I am going to put the food in the car. I sense that the decision to put the drinks in the back seat was automatic and set. Maybe I have an automatic pilot for decision making and it goes on when I’m in a hurry?
I tune into that “set” feeling. I feel an unwillingness to consider other options there. I am turning a deaf ear to my intuition. It feels like I am not allowed to question what has been decided.
Why not? What if I did question the decision, what would that mean to me? The feeling I get tells me that accepting information from my intuition means I am accepting correction. And accepting correction means I am admitting to being wrong!
Aha! I am resisting being wrong. But what is wrong with being wrong?
I tune in to the resistance or the "not liking being wrong”. I notice an underlying conclusion or judgement that says, “Something is wrong with me”.
That feels bad! My mind is linking correction, with “being wrong”, with “something is wrong with me”, and this is holding emotional pain.
No wonder I avoided listening to my
intuition! Who wants to feel bad? I was just avoiding this painful
feeling! Maybe the mess in the car was just another way for this
emotional pain to express, “What is wrong with you, look at this
I know logically this self judgement is not true, but because there is emotional pain attached to it, it feels like it is. It is time for some emotional support with EFT.
How intense is this feeling? I tune in to
how true the statement “sounds” to me, as I say out loud, “There is
something wrong with me.” It’s a 3 on a scale of 0-10, where 10 means
completely true and 0 is completely false.
Now that I have a rating, I begin tapping at the Karate Chop point:
“Even though I have this belief and feeling that changing my decision means that there is something wrong with me, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though it feels like it is more important for me to be right than to listen to good advice, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though, it feels personal when I am offered correction, I
deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”
Reminder phrases for two rounds on the short cut points follow:
Top of the head point, “I feel like there is something wrong with me when I have to change my mind.”
Beginning eyebrow point, “I don’t like to be corrected because it reminds me that I am wrong.”
Side of the eye point, “I feel there is something wrong with me when I listen to advice that is different than what I've decided to do.”
Under the eye point, “I don’t like to be corrected.”
Under the nose point, “It implies being wrong.”
Collarbone point, “Changing my decision means there is something wrong with me.”
Under arm point, “Who wants to be wrong when it means one is defective?”
Top of the head point, “This link I have made between correction, being wrong, and believing and feeling that there is something wrong with me.”
Beginning eyebrow point, “What if there is nothing wrong with being wrong.”
Side of the eye point, “What if there is really nothing wrong with me?”
Under the eye point, “Maybe I can be wrong about things; and not let it mean that there is something wrong with me!”
Under the nose, “Maybe being wrong isn’t such a big deal.”
Under the chin, “Maybe I can be OK with not having all the right answers.”
Collarbone point, “What if I have been wrong about my self in believing that there is something wrong with me? Wouldn’t that be great news?”
Under the arm point, “Maybe it’s a good thing to be wrong
sometimes. Maybe I can be glad to be corrected, especially if it will
save me from making a big mess!
Later in the week I asked my husband why he resisted my help in turning over the bacon.
He said, “I thought the bacon would burn, since I had just turned it over!”
Well, I was wrong about my husband. He didn’t mind being corrected at all, it was just my perception.
Maybe there is a
bigger insight here? Are my perceptions of others just reflections of
how I see myself?
Note: To be completely free of a belief and feeling like, “there is something wrong with me”, which is quite a large “tabletop”, may require clearing underlying specific events, or “table legs” that justify and support the feelings that say "there is something wrong with me" and make the statement believable or "true" to you.
If you are interested in working with an experienced and Certified EFT Practitioner in clearing such broad issues like, "there is something wrong with me"? Click to find out about having an EFT session.
If you prefer to "do it yourself", I also offer a condensed, online EFT Seminar, which consists of four classes to get you started and on your way with EFT. To read about the EFT Seminar I offer, go to EFT Seminars.
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