Anger and Bitterness was the Common Denominator

by Debby

My paternal grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 10 years before his death at age 93 and my 77 year old mom has been demented for about ten years. Both were angry and resentful pretty much all their lives. Granddad stuffed it, Mom exploded, but neither of them resolved it or got free from it.

They both had good reasons to be angry.

Granddad was rejected at birth by his mother and lost his loving father when my dad, his first child, was five years old. Shortly after his dad's death, Granddad's mother kicked him and his family off the family land, which he and my grandmother were farming, so one of her favored sons could farm it. Granddad clearly adored Grandmother and treated her like a queen. But she treated him with contempt and disrespect much of the time. He never talked about how he felt. I remember him sitting there, frowning but silent as my grandmother derided him, mocked him and made fun of him in front of the whole family. My dad tells stories of Granddad unloading his feelings when they used to go horseback riding during our visits to their home in the country. But that was only for a few years in the 60s and only about one of Dad’s 3 brothers that often did things Granddad did not appreciate.

Mom lost her daddy when she was 10 years old. To hear anyone speak about her dad, he was a saint. I'd think it was just because of his tragic death and the family's need to remember him well, but many people outside of the family told the same stories and praised him as highly. My maternal grandmother never remarried and never got over his death. Neither did Mom. They never healed, never trusted God again since he let their hero and their mainstay die at age 40. Add 25 years of spiritual abuse in an awful little town my parents and younger siblings moved to after I graduated from High School, and my extroverted mother who had once served as a counselor and mentor for younger women in our church, became a recluse and a hoarder.

To elaborate on the spiritual aspect, my entire family was part of the same legalistic denomination. I know that people in that church had a lot to do with my mother's anger and bitterness. (I left that church and now enjoy a genuine relationship with God, based on His Grace provided through Jesus.)

Mom would have totally embraced EFT. She had enough self help books to fill a small library and was always looking for answers to her problems. She is a big part of the reason I became a Mental Health professional and why I keep looking for better ways to help myself and others become healthier. I've made a strong resolve to let go of anger and bitterness and to do everything possible to avoid the affliction that has hit both sides of my heritage. Faith, exercise, diet, detox, thankfulness... the list is growing. EFT is the latest and a very exciting addition to that list.

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Sep 01, 2013
Holding Anger and Bitterness
by: Eloisa Ramos

Thank you so much for your story. You summarized it so well when you said, "Both were angry and resentful pretty much all their lives. Granddad stuffed it, Mom exploded, but neither of them resolved it or got free from it."

I can see that stuffing and exploding does not release or heal trauma, in fact it just short-circuits our energy system causing excess energy in some of our chakras and energy meridians leading to exploding outburst in an attempt to release it; or energy depletion to some areas of our bodies like the neurons in our brain.

Both are unsuccessful attempts at resolving trauma, and though people are doing there best, it doesn't release as you point out very clearly. What works, of course, is forgiveness, but often the "legalistic" religions don't help by teaching that forgiveness requires the release of the judgment that condemned in the first place, or the condemnation remains in place and so does the stuck energy (anger, resentment, hate, fear, etc.).

This is why I have found EFT so effective in helping us heal. We can come to see the hurtful situation differently and thereby release the judgement if we apply EFT effectively.

As long as the judgment or condemnation for out hurts remain in our minds, we are only hurting ourselves. There is no judgment or guilt here since we are not conscious of what we are doing when we hold onto judgment. We are simply here to learn and grow together in consciousness and therefore, it is all helpful for this good end.

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