How To Be Happy?
Learning to Access What is Already Within

If you are searching for the answer to, "How to be Happy", then you recognize that some part of you is unhappy or dissatisfied. This is very good! It means you are in touch with your feelings. Many people around the world will not recognize or admit that they are unhappy. I was one of these people.

I remember a college teacher, in trying to help me decide on a major, told me, "Just think back to a time when you were happy. What were you doing?" To my disbelief, I could not locate a single moment!

Logically I knew I could not have been unhappy every single moment of my life! After all, I grew up with a father that was kind and worked hard to provide food and shelter. My mother was devoted to the family. I had always been healthy. I belonged and participated in church, I achieved success in school, and I had friends. I had everything, in a manner of speaking. But not finding a single moment in my past where I felt happy, told me something was "OFF" in my life. I obviously did not know how to be happy.

Later, I figured out that I was disconnected from my feelings. I had stopped paying attention to them very early on in life. They had become irrelevant to my life. It took a while for me to tune back in to them. It took more time to begin to differentiate between them and call them by name.

Asking, "How to be happy?" also implies that you are motivated to find ways that will get you what you want. This is great! There are also many people who may feel they are unhappy, but will not actively search for happiness because they cannot or will not admit that they are unhappy.

They believe they have no right to complain and feel unhappy. They have not given themselves permission to feel unhappy or feel they have no permission from others to be unhappy. For them, actively searching for happiness means that they are being ungrateful to others and to God for what they do have--guilt. To those that provide for them, it is a slap in the face! I grew up with that mentality around me. Asking, "how to be happy", will not even occurs to them.

The question, "how to be happy" also implies that you are looking for instructions or guidance on how to be happy. This is excellent! It means you are open to new learning and open to receiving help.

I know people who are quite unhappy and see it and may search for ways to better their circumstances, but they are not open to new ideas. If the information does not fit their way of seeing life, they distrust it. They feel safe being "set in their ways". They may also feel they already know the answer to, "how to be happy", but they can't apply it to their lives and won't ask for help.

Acknowledging that you are unhappy, having motivation to search for answers, being open to new ideas and learning, and asking for guidance, puts you in the perfect place for receiving an answer.

Much has been written to answer, "how to be happy". I searched Amazon.com, under books, for "how to be happy" and got 89,809 results! It is clear there are many answers, or different approaches, to how to be happy. Perhaps we each have our own personal definition of happiness? My intent here is only to share my experience and what has worked for me.

After I "awoke" to the fact that maybe my life had NOT been happy, I began a deep and long examination of my life. It started with simple questions to myself about my behavior. "Why am I getting up so early, to get to an 8:00am calculus class, while my roommate can sleep in till 10:00am? I must really want to be an Engineer. Is that really true?"

I was told, by well meaning high school counselors, that a minority woman, good in math and science, "would have it made" in engineering. Which was true. There was a big demand for engineers, at that time, and there were few women and minorities in the field. I asked my science teacher about a career in social work because I liked helping people. He said, "Nah, you don't want to go into that, it doesn't pay well". They were giving me good advise, from their point of view. They wanted the best for me. Would working as an engineer bring fulfillment and joy to my life? The question never came up!

Questioning and discovering what was really true and important for me, continued throughout college. Little by little, I began to reclaim the direction of MY life. But, it was not easy! I felt very lost and confused. The self assured valedictorian from high school was gone! I was dismantling who I was and being left with a dark abyss of nothingness. Fear was a constant companion for the remaining years in college. I felt unmotivated, alienated, and for the most part sad. But somehow, I managed to graduate with a degree in Sociology.

In my last year of college, I applied to graduate schools. But I still had a deep conflict withing me. The "this is who I should be", pulled one way. The, "I don't know who I am, but I know it is not the 'who I should be'", pulled me elsewhere. I remember telling a friend, "I applied to the Stanford MBA Program. Remind me if I get in, that I really don't want to go." I have to laugh now!

It turns out that I did get accepted to the Stanford MBA Program and I went! I did one semester and took a year off. Went back, did one semester again, and finally let it go.

So for me, the way to how to be happy, has been a continuous process of "letting go". This shedding of old skin, has continued to the present. I now know that I am exactly where I need to be. I have let go of so much that "MY" life is no longer mine, I've let that go too. What has opened up for me is deep inner peace, and a sense of fullness, certainty, and gratefulness.

Try this exercise: Look back at your past and remember a moment when you felt happy? Once you have it, go deeply into that memory. Put yourself there. Notice all the sensations: the temperature, the sounds, the colors, the smells, the people, the emotions in the air. Feel as much as you can.

Now, think about your current life, what is missing from this moment in your life that would match the moment you just recollected? What is getting in the way or covering up the aliveness and emotional wellness? Make a list of issues and feelings (if you can't give a name to what you feel, locate it in your body. These are blocks to happiness, blocks to experiencing inner peace. Use EFT to begin clearing them! See EFT Learning if you are not familiar with the emotional freedom techniques.

If this exercise did not work well for you. Try the Personal Peace Procedure found in the Official EFT Manual.

If you need my help, contact me. I am happy to answer your questions and do phone sessions with you. No matter how difficult the problems are, be persistent! Choose to go deeply and uncover your joy!

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