Nobody Can Help Him

by Lili
(Belgium)

My father would be a intelligent man. He used to be a doctor. He had been working very hard his entire life up to the age of 78. At the age of 82 all of a sudden he was diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia.

He was a war victim. When he was 17 his parents' house was deteriorated by a bomb V2. His sister died and after a while his mother was said to die from grief. He, in hindsight, realized his mother probably had contracted the Illness of Pick,. She was not even 60 when she died.

Due to these circumstances in his youth he got depressed at the age of 43. He collapsed completely.

He got an ever lasting cough, wanted someone to help him, but nobody could. He consulted shrinks and went to a mental clinic. When he started to take prozac, things gradually ameliorated. But he never fully recovered. He kept on reading psychological and philosophical books and kept looking for answer.

He was an introvert, a person with a kind character and wouldn't hurt anyone.

4 years ago, he couldn't stand his everlasting cough any longer and wanted to have some extra medication.

He was prescribed lyrica which triggered his dementia. In one month's time he wasn't able to read properly anymore and changed into a zombie. At first the doctor gave him Haldol which reduced him to a person without any dignity, losing saliva. He wanted to die and several times tried to kill himself. We are still fighting for him to have a valuable lifetime but we have the impression that nobody can help him or us.

His behavior is disturbing for people. He coughs out loud, reiterates, repeats words all the time, can't establish normal contacts... Who can help him? Even the home for elderly people doesn't want to take care of him any longer. We are desperate.

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Dec 02, 2013
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Asking for Help Beyond Ourselves
by: Eloisa Ramos

Thank you Lili for sharing the story of your father. I understand the stress and desperation you express in your story. My mother's behavior also changed drastically and it was very frustrating and difficult caring for her at first. Her behavior was also "disturbing" at times.

It took me a couple of years and quite a bit of EFT tapping to let go of the emotional turmoil that her Alzheimer's stirred up and find peace. I have learned to let go of seeing my mother as her body and her behavior. This is not easy, but it can be done.

I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but my own faith has been strengthened by my experience with my mother. I have had to let go of many beliefs that defined the situation as shameful and desperate from my mind.

Though it is easy to see ourselves as our body or worldly accomplishments, these come and go and only what is eternal remains. There is no way to make that which is made impermanent to become permanent--it comes and goes.

But Love is eternal. That love that you feel for your father and that your father has for you even now, though he may not express it in a visible way, remains forever. Focus on that. Live one moment at a time and know you and everyone else is doing their best, though it may not seem good enough, trust that it is.

Try EFT for yourself, if you have not. Work and release the emotions: desperation, guilt, blame, etc. You are not alone. Your story has touched my heart and I send you love and peace.

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